Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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