It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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