I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
