So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
