You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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