I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
