the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
vagina is talking i cant
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
