You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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