piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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