The maid of honor just puked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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