I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
