He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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