If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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