what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
