Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize