I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
