I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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