I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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