the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
