the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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