Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
