I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
