I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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