I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
