I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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