Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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