I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
