Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
