Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
