when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
