Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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