do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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