That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
