I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
