i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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