remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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