Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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