Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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