3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
