We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
