is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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