I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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