I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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