At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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