he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
