you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize