I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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