i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
