It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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