drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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