I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
