the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
