Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
