i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
