What did we do last night that was yellow?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
