Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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