The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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