Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
