Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
