you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize