dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
