It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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