please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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