come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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