Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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