Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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