I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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