she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.