To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
