@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it