He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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